Note to Self

Note to Self: The Illusion of Indolence

12.27.17
Note to Self: The Illusion of Indolence
Journal Reflection

On the surface, things seem idle and indolent.
However, it is here, in these quiet hours, that the most visceral discoveries reveal themselves.
It is the little whispers of wisdom you must greet with the widest appreciation.
For their value is not yet tangible, though with trust and patience, virtue will be uncovered.
Do what you enjoy and the sweetest fruit will fill your fortune.
It is a daily practice in which your fears and doubts cease to influence.
You realize what you do today is all that matters and finally
YOU BEGIN.

Note to Self: Practice Patience by Noticing Impatience

I was looking through my journal-
 found this short piece from June.
Learning & relearning everyday. 


Practice patience by noticing impatience

6.15.2017
11 p.m. trying to fall asleep

I want to... 
teach before I learn.
run before I walk.
leave before I arrive.
love before I listen.

Rarely satisfied. 
Not a bite, I NEED the whole damn cake. 

I've spent the majority of my life wishing for more,
craving it all. 

Expectations keep you from experiencing life fully.
My mind, somewhere far ahead.
My feet, could not catch up. 

Restless and searching.
Engraved in this culture of go-go-go.
An indication of the times.

There needs no shame, no blame, no claim. 
Instead, 
notice.
accept.
understand.

And with that comes change.
 

07.25.17
Reread, reflect, relearn


The only thing I know is that I know nothing at all.
Though I've had a tendency to come off as
abrasive and pushy with my beliefs,
I toggle somewhere between a cautious child
and a presumptuous idealist. 

I am learning, like the rest of us.

I'm a restless soul,
this is apparent to anyone who knows me well
(or has just bumped into me).
I have a new idea everyday
and I bounce from one rainbow to the next.
For so long I wrote this off as impracticality,
now realizing it's dead-weighted impatience. 

I preach patience as a virtue,
yet have many lessons left to learn.
The more I sit back, the more life unfolds.

We don't have control anyways, 
so I gratefully wave the white flag.

Time will always tell.


Note to Self... [Let It Be]

When the willows turn yellow and the clock strikes November. A fork in the road that leads you to where you never thought you wanted to go. And then you are there and you realize it's exactly what you needed all along.

The things we resist the most-
Push away the longest-
Are usually what we've been searching for all along.

Our blind spot.
The booger hanging from your nose.
The facts you don't want to know.

It's when you can slow down and truly look at yourself,
At the world, for what it is.
It is in that moment when it all makes sense.

The irony is this is the point where you realize you know nothing
And there is nothing to know.

All you've got to do,
Your only obligation in life,
Is to stay present and be ALIVE.


Mmmmm, the great struggle.
The human mind;
A burden at times, though usually a beautiful blessing.

I finally put the travel plans on hold and as soon as I let go of the constant movement I lost my mind.

Half of me is joking , the other half is relieved to say it.
You know what it's like to be so lost in your head that you can't understand a single thought?
At one point you're making a 'to-do-list' and the next second you're writing a note that says 'stop making to-do-lists'?

Okay, so you might not be able to relate...
The truth of the matter is when you slow down you begin to finally hear how
Insanely chaotic your thoughts have been.
I have always been the one caught up in "what's next?"

It's natural in this fast paced, 'modern' society....
We've got more screens than ever to overwhelm us with endless opportunities-

But what happens when we stop day dreaming and start living?
When we stop talking and start doing?
When we stop blaming and start seeing?
When we stop seeking and start listening?

From personal experience,
I've learned that when I wave the white flag things fall into place.
I have spent my entire life in my head-
If I'm not lost in what's coming next, I'm missing what's already been....
How alive is that?

To either anxiously await what may never be or bask in an eluding past?
Nothing happens over night, we all know that...
But the first step to any healing, any progress, any growth is to accept where you are.
It is possible to be present,
Though it takes consistent practice and a lot of patience...

This post is nothing more than a personal reminder to stay humble.
To remember that we've all got our own path and it's going to lead us where we need to be.
Good things come to those who wait.

For anyone else struggling with the mind chatter,
The oscillating thoughts,
The continuous worry about what's next...
REMEMBER,
Everything is going to be alright.

Keep breathing.
Really, close your eyes.
Right now.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
And then another, and another, and another,
until you realize you're still alive.
You are living.
And you are blessed for that.

What ever is to come is going to come on it's own terms,
Your only obligation is to stay present.
To stay in this moment.
To stay humble and to stay grateful.

If you can do that, even if only once and a while,
You will realize how imperfectly okay you really are.
When you let it all go you can have it all.

This life is one paradox after another-
Enjoy the little moments and you will realize these are the hidden treasures.

Note to self.... [Get out of the way]

NOTE TO SELF - 8.27.16

We've all got insecurities, these faults in our stars...
The insight we lack is that these impurities,
Imperfections, traits, habits, behaviors
We hold are absolutely normal-
Apart of the human condition.

It is our flaws and foibles which connect us.
It's what makes us special, unique, authentic....

Our potential is infinite if we break down the walls,
Wipe away the illusions
In order to see what is behind each of our fears and doubts.

If we can get passed the years of conditioning-
And acceptance coincides-
We can begin to percieve things as they really are.

All we see is all we have imagined.
What we think, we will become.

The universe isn't out to get us,
It's interested in moving us forward. 
Though, this is only possible if we let it.

Our continuous gripping and clinging to the past will only hold us back.
Our constant field of expectations and chaotic plans for the future blind us to what so clearly presents itself.

We are our own destiny-

This life is just one experience,
You chose how you want to live it.