August is over....
For being one of the longer months,
I find this fact peculiar...
How these extra days are added,
though the time flies by just the same.
For the few of you who are interested in a Blind Spot Creatives update,
I thought I'd provide a little personal note on life happenstances....
15 months ago I moved back to Duluth.
It was time to return to beautiful Mama Superior.
Something about the water, the glacial rocks,
the blend of history & progress pulled me North.
Prior to this I was a vagabond wanderer,
aimlessly drifting wherever the four winds blew...
It was fun, but something felt off.
Something was missing.
I was constantly chasing peak experiences -
climbing mountains, making checklists, craving adrenaline.
I was living this elated life,
one that looked great in pictures,
but it was lonely.
And at times, empty.
I came back to Minnesota in 2016 after a family cancer diagnosis.
I thought my dream of adventure were over.
I traded in my passport & suitcase
for a broom & apron.
It was time to clean up and settle down.
Get back to my roots....
Everything shifted, what was important was redefined.
For so long I avoided the mundane,
I loathed routine,
I ran away from monotony....
But change was in the air, and it was long overdue.
I started slowing down, I had no choice.
I hit a wall - I was sick, anxious and ever-so-scattered.
As I let things go, all the busy noise of 'what comes next' faded.
Returning often, though with a softer grip.
This transition was long, challenging and dark.
It was filled with self-doubt, hesitation, frustration,
moments where I questioned my sanity,
nights spent filled with angst
and that god awful question of
'what is my purpose' replaying at mock-10,
disorienting and distracting me from life.
All the while, I kept face.
I became a good pretender with a killer perfunctory smile.
I knew the definition, I endlessly repeated 'this too shall pass'.
I tried to convince myself all was okay,
and I guess in some macro-mystical-spiritual way, it was.
But it took time.
Lessons ferment, they can't be forced,
no matter how precise I scripted an agenda.
What came next felt like magic -
slowly but surely I began to fall back in love
with simplicity, the small things.
I started enjoying the chores of dishes
and laundry and grocery shopping
and scrubbing floors and filling my gas tank.
Moving to Duluth forced me to redefine myself,
and with beautiful grace I started to find my voice.
In a blink of an eye half a dozen art shows were in the rearview mirror,
handfuls of open mics sat on my doorstep.
I finally prioritized this deep,
inherent need to create -
to share myself.
And here we are..
You know that cliche
'you've got to hit bottom to climb to the top', or
'you have to walk through darkness to find the light',
'you have to let it all go, to have it all.'
Ya, I guess it's true.
Things aren't perfect,
but when I stopped trying to escape the 90% of life that is ordinary,
the 100% of life that is uncertain,
I found myself on new ground.
I no longer need to change everything in order to be happy.
I no longer need to get somewhere in order to feel successful.
I no longer need to manipulate life to
fit in my unreasonable, tiny box of expectations.
The habit resurfaces,
But I'm learning...
We are all learning...
And we are all right where we need to be,
no matter how far it feels from reality,
no matter how uncomfortable,
no matter how scary.
Life is happening,
I just have to keep showing up.
I've got to keep expressing myself,
in the tiniest, most subtle, beautiful ways.
We've all got something to share....
Share it shamelessly.